Learn to deflect…Don’t absorb

Two days ago, I went for a coffee date. As usual, I was early and dragging along my son with me who was more concern with his planned sugary doughnut to order ,  we settled  in a table near the entrance way.

We waited for a couple minutes before this old lady I am meeting arrived, and then shortly after we ordered together.

It was Tuesday afternoon, hot and humid, too many old folks in the coffee shop popularly called Tim’s- short for Tim Horton’s.

We were on the middle of our happy conversation, when a middle aged-big bellied man sitting alone, which I hadn’t ‘t notice how long he sat there meanly said in a voice loud enough for the nearby table to turn heads “boy, you let all those stuff  fall in there, now people will step on it ! common, what you doing?

My son surprised, never said a word and just looked down while I checked what was it that he did, since I really didn’t notice anything as he was sitting in front of me.

The man turned to me and said, “the gum that is stuck underneath the table, look at it, people will now step on it ! I managed to looked and I saw dried blue gum that hardened like a toy clay scattered on the floor.

Embarrassed and a bit annoyed, I just picked it up myself  and managed to say in a murmur  ” It should not be in there in the first place anyway”. Well, his hands shouldn’t be there in the first place responded the irked man.

I never said a word again and we left the place right away. As soon as we are out, I asked my son what happened there? and he said that “grumpy man needs to mind his own business” I did not do it in purpose, I was holding under the table and I felt something and then touched it and it suddenly fell. I didn’t want to, I didn’t mean to…but he made me look bad.

I was stunned at what my 8 year old boy said, and so I told him, his actions can be interpreted by people in ways they perceived to be true. As you grow up you will encounter a lot of people like that and you have to be ready to deal with them.

I believe it is necessary to learn how  to effectively deal with aggressive people, because they are in our lives. It is important to deflect their cannon balls.

Often, we stand in front of the aggressor’s verbal blast like the guy in the early CBC Vignette who stops steel balls shot from a cannon with his stomach.

 Similarly, we must learn how to deflect verbal blast past us, instead of internalizing the negative energy.

Deflect negative energy and ideas, don’t absorb them.Listen to a person’s thoughts, feelings, values, and beliefs, but don’t accept them as “the truth, only “their” truth. Take what makes sense but don’t accept it all.Each of us has  our own perception of “truth”.

A deflection might sound like this: “Thank you for sharing your thoughts, feelings, values and beliefs with me. I appreciate what you say; however, it is not how I see it.

We need to take a page out of a martial arts handbook if we want to learn how to deflect another person’s energy, how to step aside and  let the strenghtMale_martial_artist_c6ba of their aggression-verbal or physical pass us.

These individuals certainly have power and believe they are right, but we don’t have to stand still and be their target, absorb their negative energy, agree with what they perceive as truth.

We can deflect, not fight or disagree and then introduce our own truth.The real truth is that both truths are valid.

13 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. JimmyBean
    Oct 01, 2009 @ 13:13:02

    I don’t know If I said it already but …Excellent site, keep up the good work. I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say I’m glad I found your blog. Thanks, 🙂

    A definite great read..Jim Bean

  2. jan geronimo
    Sep 10, 2009 @ 18:21:50

    Such lovely thoughts and insights. I should have come to your blog earlier, much earlier. 🙂 But thanks to Darbs for quoting you on his blog. Through him, I found my way here.

  3. pinkdiaries
    Sep 10, 2009 @ 13:44:09

    hhmm, just droppn’ by! 🙂

  4. dFish
    Sep 10, 2009 @ 07:08:39

    I like your take and thought process on this one. Yes, it’s very Chinese, long before they absorb the aggressive style of the Western mind who loves to conquer.

  5. maroseqf
    Sep 10, 2009 @ 06:31:39

    galing mo naman ate. =)

  6. lipadlaya
    Sep 08, 2009 @ 19:21:10

    elow.. got your link from pinkdiaries..

    nosebleed nga… and you really are a good writer..

    the world we live in is full of people just like that nasty man, but then, hope we should remain strong. Thanks for this post…


  7. Walongbote
    Sep 08, 2009 @ 02:46:05

    May mga ganun talagang tao, buT soMEtimes we must dEAL with them,kc kung papatusin natin, nakakadagdag lang tayo sa away.. A kid must learneD to dEAL with that kind of sitUati0n.. Kailangan talaga tURuan.

  8. Fr. Felmar Castrodes Fiel, SVD
    Sep 07, 2009 @ 18:49:35

    i agree with everything that you say…

    but i am more impressed with your journalistic way of writing. pwede kang maging writer ng isang newspaper! wow!

  9. darbs
    Sep 07, 2009 @ 18:21:18

    “Thank you for sharing your thoughts, feelings, values and beliefs with me. I appreciate what you say; however, it is not how I see it.

    True! true!

    “It is the way of Harmony.”

    Let me borrow your words if it is agreable because in this world there are those who tend to agree. There are those who agree with your thoughts.

    Version 1.0.1

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts, feelings and values and beliefs with me. I appreciated what you say; I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU.

    Thank you!

    Cool to the coolness!

  10. badug
    Sep 06, 2009 @ 14:10:10

    he’s is such a smart boy, he will know it later because your there to explain those attitude of arrogant people who are so easy to judge basing on what they have seen and not knwing the cause first.

  11. pinkdiaries
    Sep 06, 2009 @ 12:11:32

    i really agree with this..

    nose bleed! hehehe

  12. superlolongpinoy
    Sep 06, 2009 @ 03:28:04

    Good tip ito sa akin kasi minsan ang hirap makibagay dito sa US.

    “Thank you for sharing your thoughts, feelings, values and beliefs with me. I appreciate what you say; however, it is not how I see it.”

    Very nice!

  13. superlolongpinoy
    Sep 06, 2009 @ 03:24:53

    Napadaan ako dito dahil napansin ko ang site mo kay Pink Diaries.

    Nakaka-relate ako sa mga experiences mo kasi bago akong immigrant with my family dito sa US.
    Malayo pa ako na maka-adjust. Just like you dito ako napunta sa pagsulat ng blog. And starting to meet friendly people.

    Ang galing mong magsulat. Sana makasulat din ako someday ng mga articles sa English.

    I’ll be learning much dito sa mga articles mo and hope na maka-share din ako ng experiences ko.

    God Bless!

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