First Anniversary

us in the tropics
us in the tropics

In every human pursuits, there is always a “first”.

In basketball, it’s the rookie year.
In boxing, it is turned pro.
In many walks of life there is a similar time of trial and initiation, a period when newcomers are forced to be victims of their own ineptness and when they must somehow master the basic skills in life in order to survive.
For some who had been married, that proving time is the first year of marriage.
There are many obstacles to having a successful marriage and to elaborate it in details  will require me several posts of the same topic.
These days, staying in a marriage is far from easy; it’s a big work.
I often wonder if it is me alone who view marriage as big work, I am unsure of that, but I have varied personal reasons why I say so.
You see, living with my husband brought my mothering instinct to the fore.
I became the ultimate nurturer.
He’s never been this transparent, never been very conscious and present at times.
My gentle, quiet, utter devotion had given this rather, lonely man the affection and friendship he was seeking.
I’ve got a big life. Iv’e got work plus family and friends.
I’ve got an impressive to-do-list and a nifty cellphone to help me keep everyone and everything on track.
That’s sometimes no wonder, I ponder and asked ” Am I fulfilled? “
Do I balanced out obligatory chores and errands with enough good stuff so I came out energized at the end of the day.
Sometimes it feels like I’m focused on taking care of everyone and everything and left no time for myself.
I do lamented a lot but eventually learned to suck it up.
I also learned that in a marriage I have to be more elastic; if I say brown, Wink will say white.
We hardly ever agree on anything, that’s when give and take comes in.
I missed the little things I used to do such as those blissful moments when I could listen to my favorite composers on the car stereo at full blast.
Most times, I had to consider another person’s wishes.
I realized that there’s a certain amount of safety Wink and I have to create for us to feel like we can be open to each other in a peculiar way.
I think, marriage should become a safety place – because it is where people were most vulnerable.
If we are not allowed to feel safe in a marriage; I don’t know if we can reach the depths of connection that supports commitment.
Most times, people can be committed to somebody because of ego: like I said , I wanted to marry this loner for the rest of my life,so I ‘m just going to do it!
Or I can be committed because I have a deeply rooted connection.
The latter speaks more volume to me.
Right now, the first year of marrige was no longer sommething I’d heard tales about and was trying to imagine.
I know for myself now how frustrated, how sheerly incapable of doing what I was supposed to, I was liable to feel.
I tried to take it with good humor but that realization also touched me with the first genuine wisps of fear.
I would have to go all out with my marriage and work with the stuff, fail, get frustrated, try again.
I was willing to do it. I was determined to do it.
By the end of the first year up to this very day; thad had become my reaction to all of the signs of hard things ahead – a new purposefulness, a hardy resolve.

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