The Turmoil of the First Year

A look back of the First year

a lonely walk in the park

a lonely walk in the park

I always belive in the philosopy ” Bloom where you are planted”.

Life is too short not to find happiness whenever I am or whatever my situation.

After I left my support network in search of a new life in Canada, I had started to doubt that belief.

The strain of an immigrant life and the reality of my marriage has triggered a potentially fatal eating disorder at some point that had dogged me for the first year.

The loneliness of my situation has brought  me to the edge of despair so much that  I decided to go back home after staying for nine months because I needed to come to terms with my life and how with the help of family and friends I would be able to regain my strenght, confidence and improve my health condition.

I am living a difficult life behind the smiles is a lonely and unhappy woman who endures a loveless marriage, is seen as an outsider by my husbands entire family.

My husband seemed  incapable of understanding or wishing to comprehend the turmoil in my life.

Though no fault of his own, his ignorance, his upbringing, and  lack of a whole relationship are to blame.

I had such hope for the future, such belief that he would love ,  nurture and protect me from the difficulties that lay ahead.

But he failed to see why I should feel strained.

I had to say that my marriage was an “emotionally confusing times of my life”.

Many times, I wished, I had’nt risks that far and brought along my own son with me who I only wanted to grow up having someone to call “daddy”.

I am so confused, at the same time there was a complete absence of support and the athmosphere of disapproval amd criticism undermined my self- confidence.

I tried to develop a close and caring relationship with my new extended family, it wore me down.

I never understood why my genuinely good intentions were sneered at by the family, why there appeared to be permanent quest to bring me down.

Each day I try to remember never to stop being kind and humble despite everything that’s been thrown my way.

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