A Look Back

Looking back  5 years ago, I was a totally different person before. Nowadays,I like the new me.

A look back  5 years ago…..

As I walked down the aisle from the plane , I looked  around and gave out a tired sigh. It was a fine day , sunny and mild seeping through the glass big window.

So, “here you are”, I told myself..this is Canada considered all over the world as one of the best places to live.

I looked around and swept a glance through the glass window, every detail about the place suggested it’s prominence as a first world country.

As I enjoyed the pleasure that lustrous setting while seated on a bench, I did not feel entirely self-satisfied.

Doubt about the country,about the people,about what they’re doing is a malady familiar to newcomers.

And I arrived already afflicted.

I was not sure that I was up to bear the challenges required of the big move and I was absolutely not positive that Canada was the place where I should be.

For me, the route to Canada had been somewhat roundabout.

I was 30 years old, 4 years older than most of the friends I have known, for it had taken me somewhat longer than it had taken them to realized that I wanted to migrate.

For the past three years, I had spent my time as a secretary in a bank and part-time private school teacher. It was not a bad life.

But I found myself with deepening interests about other prosperous countries.

When few of my friends had decided to go out of the country, I had been openly critical of their choices.

Now, five years later, I saw the prosperity in their lives.

Getting married, buying a car,renting an apartment, they’re all around me.

I was fascinated by the extent to which our choices can dictate our destiny.

And the friends whose decision I’d criticized were now in affluent life, fulfilled lives, doing things which pleased them and also seem absorbing to me.

In the summer of 2003, I told myself “I ‘ve got to do something”.

I forced myself to think about the lifelong commitments I wanted to make.

I wanted to give the best future for myself and for my son.

I came to realize how much I would regret allowing my interests in migrating to go unfulfilled.

I filed applications at embassies across the country.

When it became apparent that I would have a choice among countries there was another period of hard decision.

I had many college friends who had gone to Canada and most had found the place large, harsh and stifling.

But I admired Canada’s reputation and it’s resources. Ioften told myself that my friends had been younger and less mature than I would be, that at the end of  2004, they had brought different expectations to Canada than I would now.

Nevertheless, my doubts remained.

I ultimately shunned any ideal choice among countries and let the decision rest on the prestige of a Canadian life and the fact that the job market for me as a professional teacher was far best in Canada.

Now, and then as the year ran down, at times I worried that I had made the wrong choices- in giving up my banking and teaching career in going to Canada.

I talked about it one day to a fried, who I knew had seriously thought about going to Canada himself.

“Look”, he told me, ” If I was going to Canada, I would be going because I wanted to meet my enemy” . ” I think , that is a good thing to do”  “And if you are going because you wanted to meet your enemy, ” You should go to Canada  because you’d be surest to meet yours in there”.

I smiled weakly at my friend. I was not sure what he meant by “meeting my enemy”, it seemed like one of those cleverly ambiguous things people were always saying around the bank.

But in the following weeks, the phrase recurred to me often I realized that somehow it summed up the feelings I had about migrating.

The fear, the uncertainties,the hopes, the challenges, triumph and discovery, somehow that thoughts of what was ahead I became  surer that my decisions were correct.

Thinking it over once more, as I sat on that bench, I felt that sureness again.

Meeting my enemy. It was what I wanted to do.

I could only hope I would come out alright.

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