Big Why?

Sometimes I wonder why do I ever have to  do this.

Am I lonely, maybe yes, maybe not.

Maybe I am not too busy.

Lately, I had been contemplating a lot where I am heading to.

I tried ways to figure things out, such as what I really want to do most or where I want to see myself 5 years down the road.

I am at the lowest point in my life right now, maybe that is why I tend to reflect more, maybe that is why I want to write more and  chronicle each episode of rejection and frustration as I try to unveil what career path should I be pursuing now.

I am 30 years old now, maybe too late for a career peak, or just right time to reach the pinnacle of personal success.

At times, I felt like a failure. 

 That whatever it is in life that I tried to do, somebody, somewhere, will do it better than I do.

Sometimes I don’t know anymore what else to do .

What drives me to be this ambitious -driven beast ?

Was it money ? power ? recognition? or maybe just a little bit respect.

What am I trying to prove for and who I am trying to prove it?

I think I know why.

I was once a very successful career oriented person in any endeavor I took  from the land I felt belong to.

In this new land, I am trying to felt belong to everything seems harsh and unforgiving.

Would the way I look at it change sooner than I expected.

First impression is an unreliable tool for me.

I still hope for the best.  I am an optimist and will always be.

My passion is greater than my fear of the unknown.

I want to chronicle each event in my life as I try to shape my future destiny and this  memoir is born , full of hope and aspirations that I am willing to share .

Welcome to my world.


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